There are many reasons why we resist difficult feelings. One reason comes from an inner sense that we do not want someone to have power over us. The person can be someone close, or it can be someone who has disappointed us in the past. Whatever the case, there’s usually an inner dialogue that sounds like this: “I refuse to feel sad about what that person said. I will not allow them to have power over me.”
This inner idea that we can deny the feeling to ‘win’ is wrong. Resistance to the feeling causes contractions in the body, dissociation, and blockages. We aren’t ‘winning’ by stuffing down the feeling; we are causing ourselves harm. The feeling, when it is felt with acceptance, can integrate.
When we are squirming with discomfort, refusing to acknowledge the presence of a difficult emotion, we’re essentially refusing reality. The emotion is already there. No inner fight will change that. Denying it, is detrimental.
If we want to integrate the emotion, we need to feel it. Kindly hold the anger, let it turn to sadness, and release. That is a better strategy to deal with difficult emotions.
It’s not about winning. It is about moving towards well-being, health and peace.
(If you want to do a deep dive on difficult emotions, here’s a comprehensive post.)