Of all emotions, jealousy is one that can be the most destructive.
When this emotion gets out of hand one might become wholly destabilised and utterly destructive. Feelings of inadequacy is often at the root of jealousy. And this feeling can be quite unbearable. Sometimes, complete destruction (or self-sabotage) is favoured over turning inward to face the jealousy.
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In very simple terms, emotional integration is when the internal charge of an uncomfortable emotion dissolves.
The tricky thing is this: We are often unaware of stuffed down emotions. We might not be aware of every single thing that we felt during a traumatic event. Some things stay buried for very long.
On one level, we know that we’ve integrated a trauma when we no longer feel charged emotion when we think about the associated event. But that is not to say that there isn’t still some stuff beneath the surface of our awareness.
I’ve often been baffled by how many layers of emotion a traumatic event can contain. When the charge of a specific situation doesn’t dissolve quickly or instantly, we might need to re-investigate what’s going on inside.
Continue reading “What is emotional integration? (Extended Version)”
The worst thing about smartphones is that it takes one out of the present moment. There are so many things that we can do instead—important things that are more enriching. Pick up a book—a physical book—and read. Read more. Play an instrument. Paint. Create something.
Continue reading “The Worst Thing About Smartphones”
Finish lines are idealised destinations that cannot grant us the happiness that we so desperately crave. An idealised destination is only a happy place in our head. Perfect external circumstances can never lead to inner peace. Inner peace must be cultivated from the inside out.
There are many reasons why we resist difficult feelings. One reason comes from an inner sense that we do not want someone to have power over us. The person can be someone close, or it can be someone who has disappointed us in the past. Whatever the case, there’s usually an inner dialogue that sounds like this: “I refuse to feel sad about what that person said. I will not allow them to have power over me.”
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Over the years I’ve been bombarded with countless ideas concerning writing and publishing—often from people who don’t even read. Publishing is an area where many people feel that they have a great amount of knowledge, expertise, and magic formulas. I take all of it with a grain of salt. The best course of action is determined by inner knowing—not outer noise.
I wanted to write this article for anyone who is interested in writing, publishing or self-publishing. That said, take all publishing advice with a grain of salt. This rule absolutely applies to me too.
In this article, I will discuss my own thinking around publishing, what I found useful, and what I consider a healthy mindset concerning writing and finishing books. You might agree with some of it. You might disagree. You might find that some ideas are useful and others don’t align with your goals. It’s perfectly reasonable that not everything in this article will apply to you—but if you are thinking of self-publishing a book, you might very well find a few useful nuggets in this article.
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Dreamwork has the potential to change our lives from the inside out. It reveals things to us that are hidden. But arguably the most important thing about dreams is this: Recurring dreams point to soul work. Soul work is the sort of integration work that we do to reach inner maturity.
It’s not something that we attend to once or twice. It’s not something we do to reach some idealised destination. It is the work that we attend to over a period of time (years, maybe decades) to become more integrated.
Recurring themes that I have encountered for decades include, rushing, falling, and dirty water dreams. Each of these were major themes in my life. And it took years to fully understand what they meant. The rushing dreams pointed to my perpetual lack of presence. Dirty water pointed to emotional blockages, and falling pointed to a lack of grounding. Yes, it turns out that grounding is that important. So is emotional integration and avoiding rushing.
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Dreams and dreamwork can help us to spot things that are not fully in our awareness. But we have to be willing to listen. This might sound simple, but it’s harder than you expect. It’s often easier to ignore difficult truths about people, systems, organisations, and life in general. And it’s most definitely easier to ignore our own shortcomings.
Continue reading “Dreamwork | How To Spot The Blind Spot”
A while back, someone told me that he had used ChatGPT to write a management report. I was conflicted about this and wondered if I should say something. My doubt showed up on my face, and so, the man went on to explain that the report was a tick-box exercise and not important with regards to his job.
I remained conflicted about this.
I believe that reading widely and writing well are cornerstones of a good society. But more than that—reading and writing improves our lives. It sharpens our thinking. It helps us to become more intentional with our time and focus. It opens possibilities and expands our sense of who we are.
Continue reading “Fear or Focus | Thoughts on ChatGPT”