Many years ago, I wrote on my whiteboard: “Control someone’s emotions, control them.” I came to this conclusion after witnessing the reactive nature of large groups of people. Highly charged emotions such as anger and fear are highly contagious. Anger is flammable. Fear is infectious.
Continue reading “Why Emotional Awareness Matters”
There is a difference between emotional containment and suppression. If we want to process through our emotions, we need to be aware of this distinction. This post discusses the difference between containment and suppression.
Continue reading “Emotional Work: Containment”
How do we build inner strength? Do we push ourselves to the limits? Do we attempt really difficult things? Do we take enormous risks? Well, maybe. But I have a different take on this.
Continue reading “How to Build Inner Strength (Probably Not What You Think)”
I am always amazed at how much benefit there is to emotional work. The catch, as always, is that it is extremely difficult to do. In my opinion, there is nothing more difficult. Consequently, I have found that there is always a part of me that wants to avoid it. Depending on the emotion and situation, I might avoid something for weeks. There is always negative consequences when I avoid certain emotions. Consequences can be something as simple as less focus, or it can be falling into old patterns like smoking. Avoiding these destructive behaviours is an important priority for me. This is why I have to do emotional work.
Over the years, I’ve tried different approaches to emotional work. But if you’re someone that has never really made emotional work a priority this post is for you. I discuss three simple methods for doing emotional work: Journalling, guided meditation, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Lastly, I share a few additional thoughts on emotional work and link to some resources that I have found helpful.
Continue reading “Emotional Work: Techniques and Tips”For the purpose of emotional work, I distinguish between anger and outrage. Anger is the emotion that ignites from difficulties and frustrations in our personal lives. Those things that we have control over. For example, a challenging relationship might fall into this category.
Outrage, on the other hand, is the emotion that ignites from things that are happening in the wider world around us. Things that we read on social media and newspapers fall into this category. Media, whether it is traditional or internet-based, thrive on outrage. It means more eyeballs on content. But paying attention to these articles, snippets, tweets, and opinions can decimate our emotional health.
There are a few reasons why I try to stay away from media that attempts to ignite outrage. 1) Outrage renders you powerless in the long run. 2) Outrage is incredibly contagious. 3) Outrage is used to control.
Continue reading “Emotional Work: Outrage”A while back I had a conversation with someone close about why they were not following through on important steps in terms of their long term well-being. This person, let’s call her Sara, confided in me that something was bothering her to such a degree that she could not really make certain changes. The guilt over something that had happened years ago, was holding her back from moving in a positive direction. What she felt surrounding this situation (that had literally occurred decades ago) was a mixture of fear, shame and self-loathing.
Continue reading “Emotional Work: Why I think it is the most important work we can do”It’s always tempting to have a final destination mentality around things. This is the mental framework that says, “When I’m done with school I will be done with all my learning.” Or, “When I finally get that promotion, things will be better.” Or, “When I retire, my life will begin.”
Strangely enough, we don’t view physical fitness through this ‘final destination’ lens. We never say to ourselves, “I will exercise for two hours every day for the next month and then never exercise again.” Or, “After I’ve finished my first marathon, I’ve made it.” Anyone can recognise that this is silly. We don’t think that we can accomplish all of our fitness goals in one month and then be done with it for the rest of our life. Most of us, when it comes to fitness, know that we will have to exercise for the rest of our life to maintain and build our physical capacity.
Why do we not recognise that this is also true for cognitive acuity and emotional health?
Continue reading “The Lens Through Which To View Emotional Work”
There is a difference between suffering and discomfort. Discomfort is just pain in the moment. But suffering is when that pain is weighed down by mental stories, destructive patterns, painful emotional baggage, blame and shame.
Continue reading “The Difference Between Suffering and Discomfort”A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about grief. I wanted to write that post as a reminder to myself that there’s always a sense of relief when you’ve processed through deep grief. But working through grief is also really difficult. When you’re in it, there’s a sense of deep hopelessness that permeates every aspect of your life. From the space of being grief-stricken it doesn’t seem like anything will ever be better again.
Continue reading “The Difficulty With Grief”Working through grief can be a very long process. This is made worse by the fact that it doesn’t feel like there’s an end to the process. When you’re deep in grief you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it doesn’t seem possible that you will ever feel better.
But one day the grief will lift. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Grief is a sacred process that can help us become more of who we truly are. We should not rush this process or wish it away. Easier said than done, true, but integration goes hand in hand with acceptance—allowing whatever is there to be felt.