There are certain inner questions that might indicate that we are ready for deep emotional processing. Some of these questions include: Why does this keep happening? How do I change this (addiction, relationship, situation) on a fundamental level? How do I connect with true purpose and meaning? Why do I feel blocked creatively?
Continue reading “Why Does This Keep Happening?”
I tend to stay away from political topics. This is because I don’t see politics as a root problem. I see it as a bad fruit problem, stemming from rotten roots.
But I wanted to write this post because I think someone might need to hear this.
The question of whether Afrikaners should leave, is not a new one, but it has been revisited recently because of certain political events. I won’t get into the details of this. I will only share a few thoughts.
Continue reading “Should Afrikaners Leave South Africa?”
I recently re-potted some house plants because of root rot.
If the roots of a plant aren’t healthy, there is nothing that you can do to make the plant thrive. No perfect amount of water or sun will fix the problem. Fertilizer will worsen the situation. The rotten roots must be removed for things to improve.
This is a great analogy for many things that we attend to on a consistent basis. A charged and uncomfortable emotional body is often at the root of recurring problems. Yet, we never attend to the root—the actual uncomfortable emotion. We try to avoid it. Or we try to paint over it with endless doings. Interventions. Debating. Thinking.
Continue reading “Healthy Roots”
We spend years in school sitting behind a desk learning how to read and do math but have no capacity to uncover our buried emotional drivers. There is a reason for this. It is difficult. Reading and math are important. No arguments there. But our emotional immaturity shows up everywhere we look: Politics. Business. Relationships. Health.
Continue reading “Emotional Immaturity”The only way not to sink deeper into quicksand is to stop struggling. You have to stop squirming and writhing. You have to remain absolutely still physically. When you come to physical stillness, you can drift to the top. You can be released from being stuck and sinking deeper.
Continue reading “Quicksand”
Many years ago, I went through therapy that uncovered a very deep and traumatic childhood wound. I fell into a depression after that. This lasted years. The first year was the worst. On some days, I could not get out of bed. I felt lazy.
Continue reading “You Might Not Be Lazy”Every time I learn a new song on the guitar, there is an impulse to want to play something that I already know. This feeling is always there—the impulse to move away from the difficulty. It is the same with emotional work. There is an impulse to push away the uncomfortable feeling. The grief, the anger, the shame—that which is painful.
Continue reading “The First Year Of Emotional Work”
There’s an asymmetry between building something and destroying it.
It takes weeks and months to build a house. Many hands and machines. It takes one fire to burn it down. One person’s anger is enough to make that happen—if the person is resentful enough.
This is is why emotional maturity is important. It doesn’t matter what we build if we cannot stop our self-destructive behaviour.
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In very simple terms, emotional integration is when the internal charge of an uncomfortable emotion dissolves.
The tricky thing is this: We are often unaware of what emotions we have stuffed down. We might not be aware of every single thing that we felt during a traumatic event. Some things stay buried for very long.
On one level, we know that we’ve integrated a trauma when we no longer feel charged emotion when we think about it. But that is not to say that there isn’t still some stuff beneath the surface of our awareness.
Continue reading “What Is Emotional Integration?”
No one believes that they will only have to finish one run to become fit. I’ve never encountered this sort of thinking when it comes to physical fitness. But I encounter this idea often when it comes to emotional work.
Continue reading “Emotional Work Is Analogous To Physical Exercise”