Author: Henriette

Emotional Work: Why I think it is the most important work we can do

Posted on by Henriette

A while back I had a conversation with someone close about why they were not following through on important steps in terms of their long term well-being. This person, let’s call her Sara, confided in me that something was bothering her to such a degree that she could not really make certain changes. The guilt over something that had happened years ago, was holding her back from moving in a positive direction. What she felt surrounding this situation (that had literally occurred decades ago) was a mixture of fear, shame and self-loathing.

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Quieting the mind by placing awareness on your feet

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A trick that I often use when I feel that my mind is racing, is placing awareness on my feet. I might, for instance, pay very close attention to each step that I take while walking down the stairs of my house. I can usually feel an immediate relaxation of the mind. There is a sense of moving back into the body.

This sense of moving back into my body is pleasant but not without discomfort. When I do this, I also become more aware of the emotional discomfort that was hiding behind the mental loops. The trick is to not immediately run away from that feeling by retreating back into the mind. The trick is to investigate the feeling.

The Lens Through Which To View Emotional Work

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It’s always tempting to have a final destination mentality around things. This is the mental framework that says, “When I’m done with school I will be done with all my learning.” Or, “When I finally get that promotion, things will be better.” Or, “When I retire, my life will begin.”

Strangely enough, we don’t view physical fitness through this ‘final destination’ lens. We never say to ourselves, “I will exercise for two hours every day for the next month and then never exercise again.” Or, “After I’ve finished my first marathon, I’ve made it.” Anyone can recognise that this is silly. We don’t think that we can accomplish all of our fitness goals in one month and then be done with it for the rest of our life. Most of us, when it comes to fitness, know that we will have to exercise for the rest of our life to maintain and build our physical capacity.

Why do we not recognise that this is also true for cognitive acuity and emotional health?

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Internal integrity

Posted on by Henriette

The one thing that I work on continuously is internal integrity. In simple terms, internal integrity is the ability stay on track no matter what is happening around us. It is our ability to stick to our own rules. These rules might pertain to health, work, relationships, career or whatever, but it is usually intentions that are important to us personally. These rules can be habits (exercise daily) or it can be a way of being (an intention to be mindful). Whatever the case, it is the small but important things that we do daily, weekly, monthly to lead a meaningful, good life. Internal integrity prevents us from constantly making excuses.

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How To Deal With Criticism | For creatives

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It feels good when we are praised for the work that we do, but I think that most people will admit that this is the exception not the rule. More often than not, someone will strongly dislike the work that we do or the art that we create.

If we don’t experience blatant criticism, subdued negativity takes the form of endless disapproving questions. I always try to answer those with grace but I can’t lie, it does irk me. But I’ve spent years on the path less travelled and I’ve learnt that other people’s opinions (mostly) don’t matter. What matters when it comes to the art that we create is:

1) That we are proud of our own work, and

2) That we listen to the right feedback.

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Don’t let your conditioned voice override your inner voice

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In my previous post, I wrote about trauma voice—the voice that stems from the wounded child. Trauma voice makes us become the worst version of ourselves. But trauma voice is not the only voice that can colour our inner world. There is another voice, one that I call conditioned voice.

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Don’t let your trauma voice override your inner voice

Posted on by Henriette 1 Comment on Don’t let your trauma voice override your inner voice

Meditation teaches us to observe the various narratives running through our minds on a moment to moment basis. For me, when I observe these narratives, I realise that most of them do not serve me. They’re rarely peaceful and calm. My own streams of thought mostly centre around defensiveness, a sense of impatience, or worry. These are nagging and tend to stifle focus and creativity but they are not hugely destructive. On the other hand, every once in a while an exceptionally destructive narrative comes along. These narratives are different. Not only are they more dangerous to my well-being, they are often also routed in trauma.

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