Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares is an entertaining show—but also kind of uncomfortable to watch. From an emotional awareness perspective certain ingredients are always present in these episodes.
It is nearly always the case that a restaurant owner (or chef) will say that he would love to have input from someone like Gordon Ramsay. That is, until he actually gets it. Before Gordon arrives, people are excited about his visit. This excitement only lasts until Gordon tastes the food.
Gordon’s no-nonsense, brutal feedback is where the rubber hits the road. This is essentially the moment where, in a perfect world, the restaurant leadership would absorb the criticism and say, Yes, he’s right. This needs to change.
But this never happens.
Instead, what ensues is a fantastic display of denial, fights, blame shifting, and sometimes threats. Of course, one can argue that if the staff and leadership had more self awareness no one would be in the situation in the first place. In other words, if the leaders were able to adequately respond to feedback and emotional difficulties, their restaurants wouldn’t be failing.
There’s truth to that. But what I find interesting is the complete one-eighty in attitude when Gordon gives feedback. Most owners go from, ‘Gordon’s great’ to ‘He’s the worst person who ever existed’, in the space of a few moments.
This is typical pain-body behaviour.
Once triggered, the pain-body wants to destroy, wants to do everything in its power to avoid the truth. The fact that Gordon is fiercely confrontational doesn’t help. Of course, harsh confrontation is needed to turn things around.
But to get the leadership to accept the criticism can literally take days of brutal confrontations with customers and Gordon himself. An internal block of pain obstructs an adequate response. Here’s the crux: before you can change things, you need to be willing. Willingness requires humility and honesty. And you can’t get to humility if you’re controlled by the pain-body.
It’s sometimes shocking how unwilling owners are to change things. Some of these restaurants are in dismal condition. Their kitchens are mouldy and the food rotten. Some are in debt. Some are weeks away from shutting their doors permanently. There’s a lesson in that too: Some people will choose bottomless debt over facing the pain-body.
Most owners eventually get to a place of willingness. This is good. But emotional growth isn’t achieved in a week. Internal honesty must be worked at. It can take years of consistent, mindful effort. I suspect that many owners and staff fall back into habits of defensiveness and unconsciousness.
I often wonder how many of these restaurants survive post intervention. I believe there are some. But not many. A turnaround requires deep internal change. Willingness and awareness. Emotional fortitude to face difficulties. Brutal confrontations can be entertaining but true change comes from daily effort.
(Here’s a related post.)