In very simple terms, emotional integration is when the internal charge of an uncomfortable emotion dissolves.
The tricky thing is this: We are often unaware of what emotions we have stuffed down. We might not be aware of every single thing that we felt during a traumatic event. Some things stay buried for very long.
On one level, we know that we’ve integrated a trauma when we no longer feel charged emotion when we think about it. But that is not to say that there isn’t still some stuff beneath the surface of our awareness.
In my own experience, I have often been baffled by how many layers of emotion there can be to something that happened—this is especially true for deep or traumatic wounds. When a specific situation returns into my awareness again and again as a point of stuckness, I would re-investigate. The re-investigation would reveal much more pain.
So, then, how do we know if we have integrated a trauma?
Unfortunately, this is not so easy to tell. And there are no exact answers. We must assess this through self-observation. If we notice that there is a lessening of destructive behaviours—especially ones that stem from that specific trauma—then we know that we are making progress. Another good sign is more internal calm. We might also experience less stuckness when it comes to situations that have been affected by the specific trauma.
Integration of deep traumas might take years. This is not really a comforting idea. But if we can see progress, patience will serve us. (Here’s a related post) We should take heart that we are changing things on a fundamental level.