emotional awareness – Henriette Nolte

How To Deal With Criticism | For creatives

Posted on November 22, 2023November 22, 2023 by Henriette

It feels good when we are praised for the work that we do, but I think that most people will admit that this is the exception not the rule. More often than not, someone will strongly dislike the work that we do or the art that we create.

If we don’t experience blatant criticism, subdued negativity takes the form of endless disapproving questions. I always try to answer those with grace but I can’t lie, it does irk me. But I’ve spent years on the path less travelled and I’ve learnt that other people’s opinions (mostly) don’t matter. What matters when it comes to the art that we create is:

1) That we are proud of our own work, and

2) That we listen to the right feedback.

The Difference Between Suffering and Discomfort

Posted on September 13, 2023September 20, 2024 by Henriette

There is a difference between suffering and discomfort. Discomfort is just pain in the moment. But suffering is when that pain is weighed down by mental stories, destructive patterns, painful emotional baggage, blame and shame.

Future Achievements Cannot Set Us Free from the Disappointments of the Past

Posted on May 15, 2023February 15, 2024 by Henriette

There’s a reason I spend so much time writing about being in the present moment. I believe that being mindful and in the moment can transform our experience of life.

In my twenties, I used to chase certain achievements because I thought that it would counterbalance some of the suffering that I was experiencing. I thought that if I could only achieve a few key things, I would feel better.

But I’ve realised that there are very few external conditions that can bring us inner joy. Yes, certain things might lift our spirits for a while, but if we want to have a more sustained experience of joyfulness, equanimity and focus, then we need to be with our internal suffering for long periods of time.

Why emotional awareness matters more than intelligence

Posted on March 3, 2023January 29, 2024 by Henriette 1 Comment

As a society we kind of have this obsession with intelligence. We admire people that are smart and even go so far as to build things that are smarter than us. Chess software engines like Stockfish that can basically waste any grandmaster.

We put intelligence on a pedestal and believe that it will solve all our problems. But a lot of our problems are not due to a lack of intelligence. A lot of our problems stem from charged emotions like jealousy, shame, fear, and anger. These unwanted emotional states often drive us to do unwise things.

I would argue that it is not that we need more intelligence but that really we need more emotional awareness and ultimately emotional integration.

Resentment

Posted on October 5, 2022January 29, 2024 by Henriette

It’s hard not to get consumed by resentment for living a life on Earth. The things that we all face regularly, like betrayal, loss, disappointment, or just sheer physical discomfort makes it hard not be resentful on some level.

But instead of complaining, or acting rash, bring awareness to that resentment. Shine some light on it and see if it brings some relief.

Pausing is a superpower

Posted on September 28, 2022January 29, 2024 by Henriette 1 Comment

Pausing before reacting is a superpower.

I think most people will agree that it’s easy to stay centred and calm when you’re not triggered or emotionally activated. But staying centred while you’re experiencing intense emotions, especially fear or anger, is hard. It’s not just a little harder to stay centred. It’s much, much harder. But pausing amidst these extreme emotions can be extremely beneficial.

Emotional Work: Mental loops, negative emotions and deep patterns

Posted on August 5, 2022February 15, 2024 by Henriette

What came first? The negative emotion or the destructive thinking pattern. This is a question that I’ve been trying to answer for a while now. But I cannot seem to come up with a clear answer, and the main reason for this is that these two are quite interconnected. When you don’t feel good, that state has a tendency to colour your thoughts and mental view points. Likewise, when you’re stuck in some self-defeatist mental prison, that can make you feel pretty bad emotionally. Then, if that isn’t enough, these two seem to feed off each other at times.

Emotional Work: Why venting is a bad idea

Posted on August 2, 2022February 15, 2024 by Henriette

Years ago an argument with someone made me so angry that I struggled to sit still after the interaction. This was quite a while ago, and back then, I still had a punching bag in my backyard. I couldn’t get my mind off the incident so I went outside to throw some punches just to get all that anger out of me. There was an enormous amount of frustration and anger flowing through me while I was punching the bag, and by the end of ten or fifteen minutes, I felt completely spent. Not only was I exhausted, I also had a raging headache.

Emotional Work: Anger

Posted on July 29, 2022February 15, 2024 by Henriette 3 Comments

Anger is not an easy emotion to contain or process. Until recently I’ve been largely unaware of how much anger I was carrying around inside. Terrifying dreams showed me that I needed to work on this emotion but I had no idea how. I was intuitively nudged towards Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh.

This ended up being one of the most profound things I’ve read this year. The writing is simple and the book is short, but it contains an enormous amount of wisdom and great practical advice. This was indeed the single best book I’ve ever read on anger—and maybe even the best book on any single emotion that I’ve come across.

It’s really hard to do a complete summary of everything so I’ll instead point to some of the main ideas and advice that I found particularly helpful.

Emotional Work: Part IX – There is no finish line

Posted on April 12, 2022January 29, 2024 by Henriette 1 Comment

I used to have this idea that if I can just process through all my emotions and negative memories for a few months I would be free of the past and able to “get on with my life”. Of course, things never work like that because pain is a part of life. The idea of doing an intense purge and reaching some point of ultimate perfection (or some point where no bad emotion will ever affect you again) is misguided. I’m usually skeptical of quick fixes, so I’m not sure why I wanted a quick fix for my emotional turmoil. Maybe the suffering itself played a role.

Tag: emotional awareness