The deeper I go into restlessness, the longer I sit with that feeling of being chased around by a to-do list or random thoughts in my head, the more I realise that underneath that feeling is a more profound emotional discomfort.
People often say that meditation gives you relief from the incessant thoughts in your head. They say that observing them, gives you some freedom from them. I guess this is true but I find that it’s only half the story. Sometimes incessant thinking and constant worrying is actually keeping the deeper emotional discomforts at bay. Thoughts and thinking mask something more troubling beneath the surface: emotions that we just don’t want to face.
When thoughts are no longer chasing me around and prompting me to do things, emotions bubble up to the surface. At first this feels like something turbulent and messy in my body and then it pops (almost like a bubble) into something like sadness, anger or despair. The most challenging part is staying present even when these emotions rise to the surface. If I’m lucky it doesn’t last that long.
I rarely get this right, but what I’ve found is that actually facing the feeling is better than unknowingly being chased around by it.