We are not yet at a point in human evolution where many people have integrated their traumas. If you’ve ever wondered why many are emotionally immature, it’s because of this. People who have gone through the difficult effort of dealing with their stormy emotions are few and far between. I am still on this journey. And it’s not easy. But I believe it to be necessary if we want things to get better.
Many people look down on this effort of emotional integration. They still have the view that emotions are to be ignored. They believe that if you ignore trauma for long enough it might go away. This is unfortunately not the case.
On the other hand, you might have a desperate few who come to this work when things go south. Divorce. Death. Something difficult. Trauma work is difficult work, and so when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change, most are willing to consider a different approach. But the cost of rock bottom is severe. I don’t recommend waiting until that point.
Belittling Trauma
I’ve said this before, but I will say it again: Trauma is the elephant in the room that gets ignored even though all self-destructive tendencies (personal and societal) stem from it. It is so bad that when I discuss trauma work with people, most will belittle it.
One person had the view that if you look into childhood trauma, you’re essentially not taking responsibility. Her view was that this inner investigation leads to victimhood. On the contrary, you are taking ultimate responsibility by looking at difficult experiences and resolving the charge behind them. This is not about playing victim. It’s about taking total responsibility for your emotional—and physical, financial, and spiritual—well-being. It’s about saying: “Yes, this thing happened to me, but I’m going to respond to it. I’m not going to react from fear, pain, or anger. I’m going to compost my inner garbage.” That’s what trauma work is about.
Another person laughed when I shared that the muscular tensions in my shoulder had to do with severe trauma. I was angered and hurt at the response. Dealing with these frozen tensions in my shoulder has been very, very difficult and intense. In fact, some tension still remains and I have to do somatic work to release it. Needless to say, I didn’t think laughing at the matter was appropriate. But I later understood that minimising trauma is a defence mechanism.
So, it has been my experience that when I raise the issue of trauma, people will immediately become dismissive, defensive, or argumentative. That’s okay. They might not be ready for deep processing. But keep in mind that an intense reaction does point to unresolved baggage.
Psychedelics
On the one side, we have those that belittle trauma. On the other side of the spectrum are those who repeatedly do psychedelics without any true forward movement. I have in the last year or so completely changed my mind about psychedelics and all associated ceremonies and such.
I personally think that if we want to grow up emotionally we need to be willing to confront our trauma without substances. Also, I’ve seen very concerning tendencies when it comes to psychedelics. These sorts of experiences lend themselves to mental breaks. In addition, many people seem to become entangled in some grandiose idea of themselves. Others get indoctrinated by gurus. It’s just really concerning. My own approach is this: Do the emotional work daily with sobriety.
Here are some questions we might like to think about:
- Are we really willing to put the health of our psyche in the hands of a stranger—even if that stranger is a self-proclaimed shaman?
- Why are certain spiritual gurus, who repeatedly use psychedelics no more mature (or wise, or loving) than the average person?
- Why are many of these gurus manipulating their followers?
- Why are so many followers allowing themselves to be manipulated?
- Is there a way to receive visions (or insights, or spiritual guidance) that does not involve me opening myself up to dubious entities?
That last question has a definite answer. The answer is dreams. It might not be the only way to receive guidance, but it is a safe way. Our dreams will always support us. It is how we receive messages from our soul.
One of the most important things to keep in mind is this: Strange guru/follower dynamics sprout from unhealed wounding. One is never more susceptible to being drawn into a cult when one has a lot of unhealed stuff beneath the surface.
Furthermore, spiritual gurus justify dubious things by saying that some divine entity told them this or that. Unsuspecting followers believe them. This just happened recently. This will keep on happening until both guru and follower grow up emotionally.
Emotional integration is really, really difficult. One should be willing to do work without seeking peak experiences. Instead of looking for shortcuts, one should take a long-term approach. Consistency is key.
Consistency
We don’t need gurus. We need to be consistent.
We need to be consistent in our efforts to resolve trauma. We need a solid foundation of presence to meet surfacing emotions. Daily meditation can aid with this. We probably need some type of daily movement practice. We definitely need to ground. We might need therapy. We most likely need to read a bunch of books. Consider buying a journal and documenting the process. Ask inner questions. Listen to your dreams. It will aid you.
Additionally, I want to say that one should not make trauma work only an intellectual endeavour. This might have the effect of not resolving the deeper obstacles or inner formations. This is the risk of relying only on talk therapy and journalling to resolve experiences that are essentially locked into the body. Some somatic work is needed. But be gentle.
The path is not clear, and I can’t give an exact roadmap because trauma is highly personal. But consistency is key. Set aside an hour or two every day to do the work.