Emotional Work: Part IX – There is no finish line

I used to have this idea that if I can just process through all my emotions and negative memories for a few months I would be free of the past and able to “get on with my life”. Of course, things never work like that because pain is a part of life. The idea of doing an intense purge and reaching some point of ultimate perfection (or some point where no bad emotion will ever affect you again) is misguided. I’m usually skeptical of quick fixes, so I’m not sure why I wanted a quick fix for my emotional turmoil. Maybe the suffering itself played a role.

When we experience pain, there is often a sense that we want to get away from it as soon as possible. Get to the other side of that pain. I think that’s fairly universal, but what I’ve found is that building resilience to withstand the discomfort is a valuable part of the process.

Actually, this seems to be an ongoing lesson for me: Life is in the process, not in the end goal.

Staying on track, emotionally, spiritually and physically requires sincere daily effort. Strength and resilience is built over a substantial period of time. It’s not something that we gain overnight. We kind of accept that for many things in life but not always when it comes to emotional well-being.

It’s true that certain tools like psychedelics and silent retreats can fast-track things. I can’t speak to psychedelics because I’ve never done any, but what I can say is that working through something slowly has benefit too. Firstly, it has allowed me to figure out how to pick myself up from rock bottom. (Even as I’m writing that, I’m thinking: Maybe I’m too confident here. I’ve recently uprooted a memory that completely overwhelmed me for a while.) Secondly, working through things more slowly also gave me some insights into the mysteries and rhythms of emotions. And lastly, I’ve also found that emotional work is never formulaic. It often requires some willingness to experiment, and of course, willingness to be uncomfortable.

In any case, emotional work remains challenging. It’s challenging to feel the emotion. It’s challenging to be with it with a sense of love and peace. It’s challenging to get back up every time you get knocked down. But there are benefits. In my own life I’ve found that I’m more productive, consistent and less blocked creatively. I am less inclined to go into unconscious behaviours and I’m also more present in my daily life. But I still sometimes have to remind myself that there’s no finish line to be reached.