Author: Henriette

Why It’s So Important To Be Present

Posted on by Henriette

Some of the most life-changing insights that I’ve had over the last few years have come from my dreams. Dream interpretation is by far the most valuable skill one can cultivate. Advice coming from our dreams are personalised and exactly what we need in that moment of our life. I’ve often been flabbergasted at the depth of intelligence, wisdom and humour, of an everyday dream.

But I’ve recently realised that if one does not implement dream advice along with a heavy dosage of presence, things can go awry very quickly. This is because often when we try to “power through” something we end up doing things sloppily. Or less efficiently. Or just wrong. The just-get-this-done approach takes us off the optimal path.

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Faarland: A Story About The Quest For Truth

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Faarland came to me at a time in my life when I was struggling to get any writing done. I’d just finished a post-apocalyptic sci-fi which pretty much got ignored by every agent I sent it to. Needless to say I was deflated and sad that this manuscript that I’d spent endless hours working on wasn’t getting any attention.

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Two fundamentally different approaches to work: Trying to get vs Trying to build

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I roughly categorise people’s approach to work into two different categories: Trying to get and Trying to build. Most people will fall into the trying-to-get category. I classify them as hoarders. They are in an endless game of trying to accumulate stuff. Hoarders are always scared that they might not get enough and so they end up doing dubious things to get more. This trying-to-get approach to life and work is very limited and restricts one to only consider the narrow avenue of one’s own gains.

The trying-to-build approach is different. Builders usually make things better for many people around them, not just themselves. They recognise that there is a ripple effect in what they do. Builders understand that there are consequences to disloyalty, lies, short-cuts, corruption, sloppiness, and whatever else tends to be the standard for work these days.

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Emotional Work: Techniques and Tips

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I am always amazed at how much benefit there is to emotional work. The catch, as always, is that it is extremely difficult to do. In my opinion, there is nothing more difficult. Consequently, I have found that there is always a part of me that wants to avoid it. Depending on the emotion and situation, I might avoid something for weeks. There is always negative consequences when I avoid certain emotions. Consequences can be something as simple as less focus, or it can be falling into old patterns like smoking. Avoiding these destructive behaviours is an important priority for me. This is why I have to do emotional work.

Over the years, I’ve tried different approaches to emotional work. But if you’re someone that has never really made emotional work a priority this post is for you. I discuss three simple methods for doing emotional work: Journalling, guided meditation, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Lastly, I share a few additional thoughts on emotional work and link to some resources that I have found helpful.

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Emotional Work: Outrage

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For the purpose of emotional work, I distinguish between anger and outrage. Anger is the emotion that ignites from difficulties and frustrations in our personal lives. Those things that we have control over. For example, a challenging relationship might fall into this category.

Outrage, on the other hand, is the emotion that ignites from things that are happening in the wider world around us. Things that we read on social media and newspapers fall into this category. Media, whether it is traditional or internet-based, thrive on outrage. It means more eyeballs on content. But paying attention to these articles, snippets, tweets, and opinions can decimate our emotional health.

There are a few reasons why I try to stay away from media that attempts to ignite outrage. 1) Outrage renders you powerless in the long run. 2) Outrage is incredibly contagious. 3) Outrage is used to control.

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First post of 2024: Guard against cynicism at all cost

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I don’t really have new years resolutions. My goals are always more or less the same: Focus on consistency in reading, writing, exercise and don’t fall into destructive patterns. But for 2024 I want to also add this to the list: Guard against cynicism against all cost.

2023 was a rough year not only for South Africa but globally. Consistent and lengthy loadshedding was but one of the discouraging features of incompetent South African governance. I won’t list all my frustrations here. I think it will have the opposite effect of what I’m trying to achieve with this post. I want this article to leave the reader with a sense of possibility.

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(NOT) Getting Things Done

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Lately I’ve been playing with this idea of not trying to get things done. This might sound strange but there is something enjoyable about this approach. There’s something enjoyable about writing just to write. Instead of focusing on word count or end goals, I can just focus on the next sentence.

So, because it’s the end of the year, and because I usually allow myself to be a little more inefficient during this time, I’ve noticed that not striving to get stuff done, is actually an enjoyable way to get things done.

Emotional Work: Why I think it is the most important work we can do

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A while back I had a conversation with someone close about why they were not following through on important steps in terms of their long term well-being. This person, let’s call her Sara, confided in me that something was bothering her to such a degree that she could not really make certain changes. The guilt over something that had happened years ago, was holding her back from moving in a positive direction. What she felt surrounding this situation (that had literally occurred decades ago) was a mixture of fear, shame and self-loathing.

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Quieting the mind by placing awareness on your feet

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A trick that I often use when I feel that my mind is racing, is placing awareness on my feet. I might, for instance, pay very close attention to each step that I take while walking down the stairs of my house. I can usually feel an immediate relaxation of the mind. There is a sense of moving back into the body.

This sense of moving back into my body is pleasant but not without discomfort. When I do this, I also become more aware of the emotional discomfort that was hiding behind the mental loops. The trick is to not immediately run away from that feeling by retreating back into the mind. The trick is to investigate the feeling.